Should You Divorce Your Spouse?

Should You Divorce Your Spouse?

It’s not my place to tell you whether you should or should not divorce your spouse. Ultimately you’re the person who has to live with your decision, so it’s a decision you need to make; by all means listen to your family, friends, and religious leaders, but don’t let them decide whether it is in your best interests to stay with or leave your spouse.

One day while visiting a married friend she said to me, “Jeff, under the best conditions marriage is hard work.”  That was some of the best marriage advice I have ever heard.  My friend and her husband had a great marriage, but even they had to work to keep it great. Throw in stress from children, jobs, and money issues and marriage can seem almost unbearable, which helps explain why nearly one of every two marriages ends in divorce.

More than one person has told me they wish they had met their second spouse first.  However, those situations seem to be the exception rather than the rule.  In every major study I’ve read, the majority of those interviewed wish they would have spent more time and energy trying to save their marriage.    Most of the participants noted all they had done was trade one set of problems for a different set of problems. As they say, “The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed.”

While there are some relationships which, due to abuse, cannot or should not be saved, it is my personal opinion that most struggling marriages can be saved if both parties are willing to work at it. My personal favorite book on the subject of saving marriages is “Divorce Busting”, by Michele Weiner-Davis.